Once upon a time

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1. “Ai’ll save ye!” squealed the willful walrus, “Ach, dinnae ye fear, laddie!”
   He was, of course, a Scottish walrus. His flippers grasped the steering wheel tightly and he maneuvered his limo with reckless abandon. The car sped up and did a corkscrew over the pit of lava whilst the walrus reached out the window and pulled Agent Smith inside in a delicate and seemingly impossible maneuver. Unfortunately, however, they wiped out when the crashed into the big screen TV the director was screening his film on.

2. So, around the corner a screaming ambulance screeches to a halt and the remaining two racoons, cleverly disguised as EMTs, jumped to their exhausted friend and pried him from the leg of agent Smith. Smith, dusting off the gray fur from his cuff, exclaims, “..

3. “…Who’s up for a spot of tea? I’m positively famished!” Agent Smith (who later revealed his name to be spelled with an e, “Smithe”) is actually a happy-go-lucky Englishman, and a Cricket player in disguise.
   The raccoons, noticing Smithe’s English accent and realizing that he would know the answer, decide to ask him the question of the century:

   “What’s a crumpet?”

4. With that question, Mr Tomms, the long-forgotten mystery writer, had to stop and wonder — what is a crumpet anyway? While he was looking up the word meaning in wikipedia, the following caught his eye, “…regarded as an object of sexual desire…”

   His thoughts immediately went to Suzie, the girl from the flat below who he had been admiring from afar for so long. He immediately devised a scheme…

5. But Susie had not been standing idly by. As soon as the rocket launcher appeared she sipped into the nearest ladies store and did a quick change in the dressing room and when the smoke cleared, out stepped Susie, alis Mapache El capitán, loosly translated captain of the raccoons. “It’s a trap,’ yelled Walter. Getting a grip on his raincoat, Smith squinted at El Capitan. this is not the first time they have met…

6. “So Smithe, we meet again” said El Captain
   “I remember you now!” Smithe shouted. “You were the man who rode the cows at the school trip in year 6!”
   “Indeed, and i now specialise in……”
   Just then a racoon jumped up and bit his butt.

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