Well it’s in the news so I think I’ll let the cat out of the bag. I am the proud new owner of some nice new beachfront property. There’s plenty of room for everybody and we’re going to have lobster every single night for a year and then we’re going to eat more lobster after that.

I’ve included a photo of the beach area (above). Observant readers will say to themselves, “hey, palm trees don’t grow on the east coast!” and I would reply, “well, *cough* this isn’t your average property, is it?” No, it isn’t.

Besides the beautiful sunrise pictured here, the property has a swimming pool (just in case you don’t want to swim with the sharks). This property is described by our friends in the media as follows: “A 40-acre estate in the Hamptons – the Long Island summer retreat of New York’s rich and famous…”

As the new owner of this property, I will be renaming the Hamptons to “Chrisville” simply because “Hamptons” sounds too much like “hamper.” My house isn’t a hamper. Not in the least.

Notice in the picture the throng of guests all enjoying a lobster breakfast on the beach. Mmmm!! Makes me hungry just thinking about it.