My new home

Well it’s in the news so I think I’ll let the cat out of the bag. I am the proud new owner of some nice new beachfront property. There’s plenty of room for everybody and we’re going to have lobster every single night for a year and then we’re going to eat more lobster after that.

I’ve included a photo of the beach area (above). Observant readers will say to themselves, “hey, palm trees don’t grow on the east coast!” and I would reply, “well, *cough* this isn’t your average property, is it?” No, it isn’t.

Besides the beautiful sunrise pictured here, the property has a swimming pool (just in case you don’t want to swim with the sharks). This property is described by our friends in the media as follows: “A 40-acre estate in the Hamptons – the Long Island summer retreat of New York’s rich and famous…”

As the new owner of this property, I will be renaming the Hamptons to “Chrisville” simply because “Hamptons” sounds too much like “hamper.” My house isn’t a hamper. Not in the least.

Notice in the picture the throng of guests all enjoying a lobster breakfast on the beach. Mmmm!! Makes me hungry just thinking about it.

6 responses to “My new home”

  1. wow. I suppose you will be following up this announcement with invitations and complimentary plane tickets to come visit you, right? awesome! you’re the best, chris!

  2. Tommy: Actually, no there will not be any airplane tickets. BECAUSE I’M PICKING EVERYONE UP IN MY PRIVATE JET!!!

    My people will contact your people to coordinate.

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